


Co-dependent, maybe

by basicallyiwriteshit



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Breakups, Kuroo doesn't mean to do things, M/M, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Rewrite, he doesn't get that his jokes hurt, lmao kill me, they just happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 07:38:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8277983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basicallyiwriteshit/pseuds/basicallyiwriteshit
Summary: Kuroo needs to learn to shut his damn mouth sometimes.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Jokes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4656525) by [basicallyiwriteshit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/basicallyiwriteshit/pseuds/basicallyiwriteshit). 



> Based off of This old gem http://archiveofourown.org/works/4656525/chapters/10622541

"So, Cutie, how’d a shy guy like you even land Tsukishima in the first place?” Kuroo’s voice is loud as he saunters up, slinging an arm around Tadashi, who stiffens under his touch. “Hm? I’m curious.” 

“H- Huh?”

“You and Tsukki are dating, right?”

“Y- Yes?..”

“So? How did you get together?”

Tadashi glances around the room for Kei, hoping he’s nearby to save him, but the room is empty save them and some straggling members of Fukurodani. Tadashi suddenly feels fear grip him and his breath leaves him unwillingly. 

“Um…I- I really should go–”

“Ah, c'mon, it’s just a quick story! I promise I’ll tell Sawamura I held you back.”

“I- It’s not that, I- I just… I should go f- find Tsukki… He’s probably wondering where I am…”

“Oh, so you’re the co-dependent type, I get it,” Kuroo notes, allowing his arm to slide off of Tadashi’s shoulders. Tadashi tries not to be too obvious when he lets out a sigh of relief. “Alright. You’re telling me tomorrow, though, ok, Freckles?”

Tadashi scrambles up and rushes towards the classroom Karasuno is staying in at training camp, Kuroo’s words still running through his head. Oh, so you’re the co-dependent type, I get it.

The next day, Kuroo corners him before their daily matches begin. “So, I never got to hear the story of how you and Tsukki got together last night.”

“N- Not meaning to be r- rude, but wh- why are you so interested, Kuroo-san?..” Tadashi stutters, clutching the ball he’d run to grab to his chest. Kuroo looms over him, despite him being shorter than Tsukishima, and blocks his view of the court ahead.

“I’m Tsukki’s friend, aren’t I? I just feel I could get to know him better! He’s such a shy guy.”

“A- Ah…”

“Just a quick story, Freckles, please~?”

“E- Eh…I…” Tadashi sighs in defeat, shoulders slumping, and he has to remind himself to breathe. “I- I asked Tsukki out in middle school when I thought we were going to go to different high schools, so– so, even if we did, I- I knew I would still be close to him…When we both got into Karasuno, uh…Well, neither of us moved to break it off, a- and we kind of just kept dating…”

“Oh, so that’s why you two don’t seem like a couple!” Kuroo sounds as though he’s just been told how to solve a math problem he was stuck on. “It’s because you’re really not! You just never broke off a middle school relationship! I see.”

Tadashi feels his heart contract. He’d had the insecurity himself, and to hear someone validate his fears…

“Like, you don’t really hold hands or kiss or do anything coupley like that. And I only found out about you two from Shoyou, so it’s not like either of you are off proclaiming your love for each other. Tsukki probably forgot about the whole thing!”

Tadashi can barely choke out a, “Y- Yeah, he must have…”

Kuroo laughs, clapping Tadashi on the back. “Tell the boyfriend I’m gonna crush him today, ok?”

And like that, Kuroo’s gone. Tadashi stares after him for a long while, until Kei comes up to him.

“Daichi sent me to find you, the match is about to start.” Tadashi’s lack of oxygen finally hits him, and he suddenly realizes he can’t breathe as his knees start to buckle. Kei catches him before he falls completely to the floor, of course, but the ball Tadashi was holding falls to the ground and bounces away. “Yamaguchi! What the hell?”

“S- Sorry Tsukki,” Tadashi gasps, straightening himself out. Kei’s hand stays hovering over his lower back, supporting him. “I’m just tired, I– I didn’t get much sleep last night…”

It isn’t really a lie. After he’d run off, he’d spent the whole night trying not to get sick. Kuroo had sparked some sort of anxiety in him, and made his stomach feel raw. Kind of like right now.

“Idiot. I told you, if you couldn’t sleep with Kageyama’s snoring, you could use my headphones.”

“I didn’t want to bother you, Tsukki,” Tadashi picks up the ball again, walking shakily alongside Kei.

“Whatever.” Kei shakes his head. “I’ll tell coach you’re not feeling good. Go get some damn sleep.” 

“S- Sorry, Tsukki…” 

When the weekend ends and they go home, Tadashi tries to keep his distance. Of course, Kei finds him, like always, and one day while they’re walking home from school, he asks what’s wrong. Tadashi doesn’t know how to start his explanation. 

“A- Ah, it’s…” 

“Get on with it, Yamaguchi,” Kei snaps, and Tadashi flinches. Kei sees this, and frowns. “Sorry. It’s just annoying, you avoiding me for something I don’t know I did wrong.” 

“I- It’s not you, Tsukki! N- No, I’m just being stupid!” 

Kei rolls his eyes. “Just spit it out.” 

“O- Ok…” Tadashi takes a breath, and stops walking to organize his thoughts. Kei stops and watches him. “S- So, uh…W- We’re still…dating, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

Relief fills Tadashi, and he feels his muscles relax a bit. “No reason. I was just talking to Kuroo-san at training camp, and he said–”

“Kuroo’s an idiot, Yamaguchi,”

Tadashi laughs nervously. “Sorry, Tsukki!”

“Is that all you’re worried about?..” 

“Y- Yeah…Sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” 

Kei starts walking again, and Tadashi diverts his gaze as he follows. Tadashi doesn’t mention the insecurity tugging at his chest. He and Kei have never been touchy-feely; Tadashi had always just thought that was just their relationship, and he was happy with the way they were, but now…

Now, he’s realizing how much he wants to touch Kei. To hold his hand, hug him, cuddle with him…But Kei probably doesn’t want that. Of course he wouldn’t. It’s pointless even thinking about it. Maybe if Kei has a proper relationship – with a pretty, confident girlfriend – he would, but not now. 

Not with quiet, shy, scared-of-his-own-shadow Yamaguchi Tadashi. 

Training camp comes sooner than Tadashi would like. In a week, he’s back – this time at Fukurodani – shrinking under Kuroo’s gaze, Kuroo’s loud voice, Kuroo’s smirk–

“How’s the boyfriend, Yamaguchi-kun?”

“H- He’s doing fine, Kuroo-san.”

“Have you shared any kisses since I last saw you?” 

“No, Kuroo-san.”

“You poor thing.”

“I’m really not, Kuroo-san.”

“You keep telling yourself that.”

…And the next…

“You seem to cling around Tsukki a lot, huh?”

“Really? I do?”

“Doesn’t he ever tell you you’re suffocating him? You’re like…constantly hovering over him.”

“I…guess I haven’t noticed.”

“Anyways, how’s practice going for you, Yamaguchi-kun?”

…And the next…

“Hey, Yamaguchi, how’s–”

“I’m going to be sick.”

…Until, finally….

“How’s the–”

“He’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

“Huh? Wh-”

“I have to go, Kuroo-san.”

The next time they meet for training camp, Tadashi walks in on Kei pinning Kuroo to some lockers. He can barely make out growled out threats of “you’re going to fix this” and “I will end you, Kuroo Tetsurou,” through the blood pounding in his ears. 

“Oi, Yamaguchi, uh…” They’re walking home one night after normal practice, darkness surrounding them. Tadashi is pulled to an abrupt stop by Kei, pale fingers wrapping around his wrist. Tadashi wants to run. 

“S- Something wrong, Tsukki?..”

“I…Can you tell me why? I mean, you didn’t clearly explain, and uh… Yeah.”

“Huh? Oh.” Tadashi frowns. Why does he want an explanation? He doesn’t care. “You… You obviously weren’t into the relationship, and I didn’t want to hold you down, I guess?”

“You guess?..”

“W- Well, I mean– Kuroo-san did make a good point…You never did touch me, or look at me like Hinata and Kageyama do, or even get excited around me…” Tadashi takes a deep breath. “A- And besides, I’m– I’m really clingy, a- and you don’t like clingy people…You clearly didn’t enjoy being with me, and I’m ok with being just friends again. 

“I- If you don’t take this opportunity to cut me out of your life forever, I mean!” Tadashi laughs nervously. “That was such a long explanation, sorry, Tsukki!”

Kei looks at Tadashi in disbelief, and Tadashi shrinks under his gaze. Why did he look so unconvinced?..

“Yamaguchi, whatever Kuroo said–”

Tadashi checks his watch. “Ah, I- I’m late! I p -promised Shimada-san I’d tell him how camp went.”

Of course, this is a lie; he hadn’t promised Shimada anything, but he’s sure the older man will appreciate he came by, and he really needs to leave. He can’t breathe suddenly. 

“Oi, but–”

“I know, I know, I won’t stay late and I won’t overwork myself. Bye Tsukki!”

Tadashi runs. He runs and runs, and every time he looks back and sees Kei, he sees him yelling on the phone and he has no idea why. He doesn’t think he wants to know. 

 

“Yamaguchi, we need to talk.”

“Hm? Ok, Tsukki,” Tadashi smiles at Kei nervously as they walk home together. “I need to practice with Shimada-san first, but–”

“No. No ‘but I’ll catch up with you’s. You and I both know that if I let you go, you won’t come back. Skip practice today, come to my house.” Kei’s gaze is hard and steely, and Tadashi has no option but to agree. 

“O- Ok…” Tadashi mumbles, gasping when Kei grabs his hand and drags him all the way to the Tsukishima household.

“Hey Kei, hello Tada–”

“Can’t talk, Nii-chan,”

“S- sorry Aki-nii, I don’t know what’s come over him–”

Kei pulls Tadashi into his room and slams the door, locking it behind him before he kisses Tadashi roughly, desperately. Tadashi immediately stiffens, and tries to push away, but Kei is insistent. 

Finally, Kei pulls away, and Tadashi’s left panting for breath. “Yamaguchi Tadashi, I love you. I love you so much, whatever Kuroo said is not true. Please take me back.”

The air he’d regained leaves his body as though he’d been kicked in the gut. He wants so desperately for Kei’s words to be true. He knows they’re not. Tadashi doesn’t get why he’s trying to 

“Wh- Tsukki, what–”

“Please. I love you so so much. You’re not clingy, you’re not annoying, and even if I act like I don’t care, I really do, ok?”

“Tsukki…” Tadashi doesn’t know what ti say. 

“Tadashi.”

“Tsukki, I…” Tadashi looks up at Kei, eyes brimming with tears. “Tsukki, you shouldn’t poke fun at people’s feelings for fun. How many times have I told you?” 

“Playi– No! Tadashi, please–” 

Tadashi smiles sadly at Kei, and slides out from against the wall. He grabs Kei’s hand, and runs his thumb across smooth skin. “Tsukki, you don’t have to pity me. I did this for your benefit, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not–” Kei starts, frustrated, but seeing Tadashi’s flinch, calms down. “You’re not ok. And I’m not pitying you. I tried to get you to reconsider when you broke up with me, but you didn’t. I’m trying again, and I’m going to continue to try. I love you, Tadashi.”

“Why would you want me to reconsider? You finally got rid of me.”

“I didn’t ‘get rid’ of you, you idiot, I lost you,” Kei practically growls, and Tadashi shrinks in on himself. “Please stop thinking like that.”

“Sorry, Kei. You don’t need me. You have a lot of suitors, I’m sure you’ll find someone who can make you happy.”

Kei stares, dumbfounded, at Tadashi, and he takes the time to unlock the door and slide out. He leaves without a farewell. Akiteru, who’s in town for a visit, tries to ask why he’s crying, but he can’t find enough air to actually breathe to reply. 

He doesn’t even make it home before he collapses and has what seems like the thousandth panic attack in the last few weeks. 

The next time they have training camp, it’s for a whole week, at some school they haven’t been to yet. Tadashi thinks he’ll be ok this time, no one will bother him, but of course he’s wrong. 

Kuroo approaches Tadashi with a hand on his neck, other locked in his setter’s – he thinks their name is Kenma – hand. The pretty blond waits behind Kuroo slightly, gaze heavy on Tadashi, inspecting, and he feels smaller than usual under their golden eyes. Kuroo clears his throat. “H- Hey, uh…Yamaguchi…We need to talk. About Tsukki.”

“I’d rather not, Kuroo-san,” Tadashi mumbles, eyes on the ground as he tries to step around him. Kuroo frees his hand from Kenma to halt his movement, and Tadashi’s heart stops in his chest. 

“That wasn’t an option, Yama-chan, that was a statement. Come with us and make this easy, why don’t you?”

Shit. Shit shit shit this is where he dies. Shit. 

“Kuro,” Kenma gives Kuroo a warning glare and the eldest of the three sighs.

“I mean…Please, follow us. We’ll be quick, I promise.”

He throws an arm around Tadashi, leading him off to one of the empty classrooms, and Tadashi’s nothing to do but follow, pliant to Kuroo’s whims. His hands are never going to stop shaking this week, he’s never going to get a good serve in like this. Great. Just another wonderful outcome of this wonderful situation. 

They find an empty classroom – though it does take a while – and Tadashi stands straight up as Kuroo and Kenma find a seat on some abandoned desks.

“What is it, Kuroo-san?" 

Tadashi can’t even look up. 

"I fucked up.” There’s the sound of a hand slapping Kuroo’s chest and a quiet 'ow!’ and Tadashi looks up, surprised, to find Kenma giving a stern glare to Kuroo, who cowers away from the blond with a pout. “I mean…I’m sorry. I was only joking when I said all that stuff, Tsukki really loves you. I was dumb to even tell you you were clingy and that he didn’t love you. He’s so upset that he lost you, so please, give him a second chance. He’ll kill me if you say no.”

Tadashi stares at him in surprise. Silence fills the empty classroom, before Tadashi shakes his head with a sharp intake of breath. He wants to cry. Or maybe scream. Yeah, screaming seems like a good idea. "You…don’t have to lie to me, Kuroo-san. I’m fine with Tsukki not reciprocating my feelings, as long as we’re still friends.“

"No, you aren’t!”

“Kuro…”

“Yamaguchi, he loves you! He truly, honestly does. He told me himself! He yelled at me the other night because I’m the reason you broke up, just please believe me when I say this: Tsukishima loves you. Ok?”

“I- it’s really fine, Kuroo-san,” Tadashi can feel tears welling up in his eyes and his breath shortening at the lie; why was Kuroo making this harder for him? Honestly, couldn’t he accept that he was broken? “I’m…I need to get some air. Excuse me…”

The next day, at breakfast, Kenma sits at the Karasuno table, in between Shoyou and Tadashi. However, instead of talking with the chattery redhead, they turns to Tadashi. He says, in a small voice, “Hey, Tadashi.”

“Hm? Oh, hello Kozume-senpai.” Tadashi smiles nervously at Kenma. He isn’t here to grab him for Kuroo, is he?

“Kenma is fine…” They mutters before adding, “I, uh… I know you’re more into serve practice and stuff, but…Would you mind…Practicing spiking with me today? I need to practice tossing, but everyone else is so loud. You…seem calm enough that you won’t give me a headache.”

Tadashi smiles brightly. This is a surprise. A rather nice one. “I- I’d love to!”

He needs a distraction, anyway. 

So that’s how Tadashi ends up with Kenma on one of the outdoor nets, spiking Kenma’s tosses, and chatting idly. Kenma chimes in themself, every now and then, but it’s obvious they prefer listening. Tadashi quite likes spending time with Kenma. 

“So, Tadashi…”

Tadashi lands from a particularly well-hit spike and looks at Kenma. “Hm? Yeah, Kenma-senpai?”

“…Kenma… Um, I was wondering… If you ever think about taking Tsukishima back." 

A toss. 

"Tsukki?..He doesn’t want me back,” Tadashi spikes more powerfully, the ball hitting the other side of the net forcefully. “But I..I guess, sometimes, I think about what it would be like to date him again…For real this time.”

Kenma sends another toss in his direction. “What do you mean by for real?”

Spike. 

“…Well, Tsukki and I got together kind of childishly, and we never did couple stuff like hold hands, and kiss and stuff.” Tadashi fiddles with his fingers as he lands on his feet. “But Tsukki just didn’t want the same thing.”

Toss. “…You know, Kuro and I are dating.”

Tadashi nearly misses his spike he looks over at Kenma so quick. “Really? You two don’t seem like it,”

“I know,” Kenma sends another ball in Tadashi’s direction. “Kuro was so scared to even hold my hand at first, and we still don’t really kiss, but I know he loves me all the same.”

Tadashi stares incredulously at Kenma. “He was scared? Kuroo-san?”

“Yeah. Really scared. He didn’t think I’d like all that because I’ve only known the other side of him for so long. He didn’t know I wanted all of that relationship stuff too…” Kenma smiles lightly up at Tadashi. “What I’m trying to say is, you should believe Tsukishima when he says he loves you, because it probably took a lot of courage to say that.”

“R- really?..”

…And suddenly it all makes sense. Tadashi feels like an idiot. He is an idiot. He hasn’t thought at all about Kei’s feelings. 

Kenma looks back to the basket they’d been grabbing balls from. Empty. The two frown; they were having a nice time. Kenma checks their watch, and mumbles, “…I think we’ve done enough today. If you don’t mind, could we do this again tomorrow?”

“Of course, senpai.” Tadashi says. They clean up, and Tadashi muses on Kenma’s words as they do. It’s probably the most Tadashi’s heard Kenma say, and he’s rather happy he got to talk with them. They’re nice, when you get to know them. They seem different, playing volleyball, too. Maybe tomorrow, Tadashi can ask them more about themself. Saying his farewells, Tadashi heads over to where he hopes Kei is still practicing.

Bingo. He was practicing blocking with Bokuto and Akaashi.

“Tsukki, nice!” He calls out when Kei successfully stops one of Bokuto’s spikes, and Kei looks over to him, cheeks flushing. Bokuto looks in his direction too, and grins blindingly.

“Oi, Freckles! Come practice with us, we’ll have a two-on-two!”

For a second, Tadashi considers it. But then he sees the distressed look Kei is giving Akaashi and feels his stomach drop, heart rate picking up. Kei doesn’t want to practice with him. 

“Ah, s- sorry, I’m a bit tired tonight…” Yamaguchi yells back nervously. “Go on practicing.”

Bokuto huffs, but seeing Akaashi’s warning glare does as told. “Tomorrow, then! No backing out!” 

Tadashi walks a little farther into the gymnasium, and sits next to Suga at one of the benches. He can hear Bokuto and Kei speaking from where he is.

“Hey hey, Glasses-kun, isn’t that kid that we just saw your boyfriend or something? Kuroo was saying something about it the other day.”

“Oh, was he? And what exactly did Kuroo say?”

“That he – unf– that he needed to talk to him or something about you. He said he 'messed up’? Ha ha, did he flirt with your man too?”

There’s silence, then, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Kei sounds bitter as he speaks, and Tadashi feels anxiety wash over him. Kei is definitely mad at him. Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he be? Oh, god. Tadashi feels sick.

“Ha ha, bad breakup? Is that why he didn’t want to practice with us?” 

“Dinner! Wrap up practice and wash up, boys!”

“Coming!” 

“It’s whatever.” Kei is gone before Tadashi can register the words. 

Tadashi stands from the bench, his legs beginning to shake, and heads to the washroom to clean up before dinner. He hopes the long line as others do the same will calm him down and stop his building panic attack but it doesn’t and eventually he’s sitting in the bathroom by himself, hurling into one of the toilets.

Kei hates him. He probably always had, he really was dating him out of pity, oh god oh god why did he think it was a good idea to want to get back together again, why–

"Yamaguchi?” A hand on his shoulder has Tadashi flinching, and his already sporadic breathing hitches.

“Ts- Tsukki,” He gasps out, scrambling to wipe the mixture of vomit and tears from his face. “I was, uh–” He can’t breath right, at least not enough to talk at the same time. “I was j- just on m- my way–”

Tadashi attempts to stand, but as he takes a step forward, his knees go out and he falls back on the tiled floor before Kei can catch him.

“Tadashi!” Kei kneels down, pulling a sobbing Tadashi into his lap. “Tadashi, what’s wrong? Why are you upset?”

Tadashi gasps, and sobs wrack his body. He can’t breathe, and it hurts. It hasn’t hurt this bad in years. Everything’s happening so fast, he has no idea why he’s panicking so much. So what if Kei hated him? He was bound to get sick of him eventually. Oh god, there it is again. That sick feeling. Tadashi bites back the urge to vomit. He tries to speak, but it only comes out as a gargled mess. 

“Ok, no, tell me later. Right now, focus on your breathing, ok?” Kei’s hand slides in his and he props Tadashi’s forehead on his own. This is how they normally deal with his panic attacks. With Tadashi in Kei’s lap, their heads together, hands intertwined. 

Kei breathes in deep, and Tadashi does too; when Kei breathes out, so does Tadashi. 

“Breathe deep, and regularly… You’re doing just fine. Whatever’s scaring you isn’t so scary, ok? It’s just a little thing,”

“B- but y- you’re scaring me,” Tadashi whispers, his breathing somewhat regulated aside from a few hiccups and gasps. “Y- you hate me, and I d- don’t know what I’m g-oing to do without you yet and you’re going to- to leave me and I won’t have anybody and– and–”

“Tadashi,” Kei’s calming voice stops Tadashi’s stuttered out words, and he pulls away enough to look the other in the eyes. “I do not hate you, and I will not leave you, broken up or not. I know you think I will, and that I’ll get bored of you, but I won’t. I love you so much, and I want to be here when you get like this. I want to help you and tell you you’ll be ok, just like I always do.

"Don’t think that just because we’re not together that I won’t love you unconditionally and help you through your anxiety, ok?”

“Ts- Tsukki…”

Tadashi remembers what Kenma said earlier, and suddenly it makes sense.

“Tsukki, do you get scared sometimes?”

“All the time.”

Tadashi relaxes in Kei’s lap, and let’s his head fall to his shoulder, feeling his hand in Kei’s. “Ask me again, Kei.”

“Hm?”

“Ask me back again. I’ll say yes.”


End file.
